how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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