apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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