New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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