do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
