whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
