rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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