there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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