There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wear drunk well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
