my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
