Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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