what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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