if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
