Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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