Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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