She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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