Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
