I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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