I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
