God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
