I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
