Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
