Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
