You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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