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• (812): View more from Indiana

  If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife

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• (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+44): View more from England

  Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.

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• (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (914): View more from New York

  I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  That jawline could fucking have its way with me.

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