Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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