Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.