I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
