just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?