Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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