"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
