there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
