I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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