We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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