I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize