I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
