Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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