is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
