are you so shy because you have an std?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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