We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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