you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
