I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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