but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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