I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
