Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
