I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
