3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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