it hurts more in the daytime
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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