Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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