I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
