And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
