Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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