dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was like eating out sand paper
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is the high leading the old right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And then he peed in my hair
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