it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
