are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
