wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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