He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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