dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
