I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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