so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
