You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
