I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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