as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
