Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
