That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
