my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
