2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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