I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize