I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
