I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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