now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
