my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
