Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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