Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
