new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
