There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
