Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
