Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
