I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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