That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
