I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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