3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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