first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
