A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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