My sheets look like a crime scene.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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